What it’s Like to be Depressed

I have been depressed. I keep dealing with depression…

First let me say that I am not speaking for everyone. This is my experience with depression.

Depression is one of the worst feelings. You don’t want to do anything, talk to anyone, take care of anyone or yourself… it’s a dark place. Imagine you are tired all the time, all you do is sleep, you don’t eat much because you don’t have an appetite, everything gets on your nerves or you don’t even care. You push people away, you let yourself go and no one, unless they’ve been there, understands.

You feel alone. You have a bad attitude, you cry yourself to sleep, feel unworthy.

My journey with depression

The first time was in middle school. Eighth grade year was a tough year. Family issues were heavy. I gained so much weight because I turned to food to make me feel better. All I did was eat. I didn’t think I was depressed, in fact, depression never even crossed my mind. I hid my emotions and acted like I was okay to avoid questions and concern.

My senior year of high school during the fall is when I took medication. Having diabetes was weighing me down along with some other things. I didn’t eat much, I slept all the time, closed people off… I was in a dark place. I finally decided I didn’t want to feel like this anymore and I wanted something that would work fast. I went to my family doctor and she prescribed me medication. I felt like myself in no time. I finished the medication and decided I never want to take it again. The doctor highly recommended I wean off of the medication, I did not, I stopped when the pills ran out. I was at my prime, bright and bubbly again.

It is now the end of May 2017. I just finished my first year of college, I am still working part-time at the library, I am taking a summer course, and I am depressed. I have been shutting people out, my attitude sucks, I cry myself to sleep almost every night.. I have no motivation at all. My life is depressing. I have felt like this for a while and I now realize I can’t beat this on my own. I am going to have to take medicine to help me.

P.S. I did not write this post for you to feel sorry for me. I wrote this post because I wanted to vent. I want people to understand what it is like to be depressed and that it can get much worse than what I have experienced. Not everyone can overcome their depression, at least on their own. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Much love to everyone!

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